Because of you
by The Leaf 180
Summary: It was Sakumo's descion that ruined Kakashi. Kakashi would never forgive him for scaring him so badly. Sakumo Hatake was trash, he was a disgrace. Kakashi blames him. Sakumo abandoned him. It's all because of him. ALternate ending to Shippuden episode 159


**Songfic to Because of you by Kelly Clarkson.**

**._. Takes place when Kakashi is talking to his father after he "died"**

* * *

><p>The darkness does not leave; it swirls and leads him into nothing.<p>

It stretches out forever and Kakashi follows it. He does not know where it will lead him, he follows blindly.

Until he reaches the light. It emits from a fire in a soft glow. A man sits beside it.

Kakashi knows this man well, there were so many things he had wanted to say to him, and now, only one emotion fills him as he nears the man.

Rage.

* * *

><p><em>I will not make the same mistakes that you did<em>

He would not hurt himself again.

He would learn from his father's failures and move past them.

He would be sure to never let anyone else get that close. He would complete the mission... follow the rules...and bring honor to the shamed name that was Hatake. He would grow past them, he would learn from them, and eventually he would forget them too.

His father was a disgrace to the name of shinobi. He wasn't brave, he was a coward. He couldn't face the village and he chose death as an easy way out. That wasn't worthy of anything, not pity, not sympathy. It deserved to be forgotten along with his name.

He was trash. Kakashi wasn't trash; he could handle sacrifice if that's what it meant to avoid breaking just like his father had. He would never cause himself so much pain. Kakashi would do whatever he could to avoid a similar fate.

* * *

><p><em>I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery<em>

It was simple in Kakashi's mind. If you followed the rules, and did what you were told, you didn't do anything wrong. You did what you were supposed to. You were a shinobi, a tool. That was what was expected of you. That was your job.

Bonds and emotions and other needless things...just lead to failure. He saw it all.

The rise fall of the white fang. He was the only one to witness it. Sakumo in his greatest and weakest moments. He heard the whispers. He wasn't deaf. They blamed him for his father. They didn't even know him.

He saw his father shatter and wither away and he knew. A small boy with glittering black eyes and a cold voice. A young child forced to grow up too soon.

He knew it. His father wasn't a hero. He left him. And he didn't deserve any praise, much less Kakashi's love.

So in Kakashi's mind, he got what he deserved.

* * *

><p><em>I will not break the way you did, you fell so hard<em>

He would not crack and crumble under pressure.

His father… he had it all. He had respect and knowledge. He had the admiration of the village and the fear from his enemies. He had the power in his hands.

He was amazing.

But he couldn't do it.

And he had it all taken away from him.

He lost it all. His honor, his name. Nobody cared that he had saved his team mates, they all despised him. Including his son. And in a way of its own, that was the hardest part.

Having his son look down on him. Having everyone close abandon him. He was left all alone. With no one to turn to. And nowhere to go.

The shame building up inside and a thought tormenting him day and night. He was forced to take responsibility for his actions and bear the consequences. His son loathed him for it. Is sweet, innocent son…

The one Sakumo had loved and had been so proud of. He hated him.

That was the worse punishment there was.

* * *

><p><em>I've learned the hard way to never let it get that far<em>

He was scarred, he was a young boy. He wasn't ready for it. But as he grew up, he had his own way of understanding.

Sakumo had killed himself along with his shame. He had learned through pain and grief to never lose control. He learned that the meaning of strong was working under pressure and staying calm and cold at the same time.

He was expected to be emotionless and expressionless as a shinobi. He had learned through confusion and heartache. He saw it all go downhill; he saw his father waste away in the shell of a once great man.

It was all his fault. It was his fault Konoha was still at war and nameless shinobi were dying needlessly day after day. It was his fault the villagers taunted Kakashi and insulted him.

It was his fault that his son was left all alone in the dark. It was his fault that the name white fang was spoken in vain. It was his fault that his son had learned to not trust anyone.

It was Sakumo's choice that caused it all. He had it coming. Kakashi had observed and taught himself to never love again, never to smile, never disobey the rules.

Make sure nothing like this ever happened again.

* * *

><p><em>Because of you, I never stray too far from the sidewalk<em>

Because of him, he was kicked around.

Because of him, he was disrespected.

Because of him, he had to work twice as hard to gain acceptance.

Because of him he lived in constant doubt and guilt.

How could he leave his son in such a cruel world?

How could he even start to think that his son was ready for it?

How could he think that his reputation was more important than his son?

Why would he do that to Kakashi? Why would he abandon him to such a haunted reality?

Who did he think he was? He was his father…he was supposed to care! He was supposed to love Kakashi!

If he had really loved Kakashi he wouldn't have hurt him like that. If he had really cared for Kakashi he wouldn't had made him go through all of the anguish.

Kakashi had learned to never take a chance and never grow close to anyone. Sakumo had turned his boy off the world.

He turned his back on his son.

It was his burden to carry, and this never would have happened if he knew what he knew today.

It was all his fault.

* * *

><p><em>Because of you, I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt<em>

Kakashi had to grow up on his own, without friends or a shoulder to lean on. He had to watch out for himself and never let anything or anyone ever get too close.

It shouldn't have been like that. His father should have stopped it, he should have done something.

He did do something, he made it worse.

Looking back now, Kakashi knows that because of his father's decision, he was forced to put the rules at top priority.

And because he valued the rules so much, he chose to follow them instead of going with Obito to find Rin.

And because of that, he had to track down Obito and loose his eye in the process. If he had went with Obito in the first place, they could have strategized and formed a plan and Kakashi wouldn't have had to sacrifice his left eye to save Obito. But he was too stubborn.

And if Kakashi hadn't lost his left eye, he would have seen the rock that targeted his blind spot. And he would have avoided it, and he wouldn't have been knocked unconscious, and Obito wouldn't have had to go back and push him out of the way of the boulder.

And they would have made it out and completed the mission. Obito would have lived.

This all ties back to his father. He had every reason to blame his father because in a way, he killed Obito. Kakashi would never forgive him.

* * *

><p><em>Because of you, I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me<em>

It was Sakumo's fault that his son had turned out the way he had. Sakumo had failed his son. Kakashi hoped he knew it.

It was little compared to the suffering he forced Kakashi to go through. He refused to feel guilty. Kakashi had to grow up unloved. He saw the future Yondaime trying to open him up. Kakashi wouldn't budge. He was cold and numb to the world.

He didn't trust this man. He knew he would betray him too. He would go off and get himself killed. Kakashi didn't know if he could handle that too.

A traitor, a failure, useless. That is what he thinks of his father. He was not Sakumo, he would never be Sakumo. He was Kakashi, and he would always be Kakashi.

He didn't love himself; he doubted himself, and everyone he met. He didn't believe in himself. And he never would.

That was because of his father too. He was hurting inside and no one could ever heal him. He was fighting a secret storm every day of his life. He would lose each time. That was not his fault.

He kept telling himself that but sometimes he has to wonder. Who was he kidding? It was his fault and he knew it. He wasn't fooling anyone, Kakashi was damaged. He was broken beyond repair.

That was not his fault.

* * *

><p><em>Because of you, I am afraid<em>

He was afraid to go outside and enjoy nature. He was afraid to experience the joys and pleasure of the world.

He was afraid of anyone else's touch. He kept himself isolated from the world and he was fine with it.

He didn't need anyone. He kept telling himself that. A false attempt at comfort. It didn't work of course. He needed someone to fix him now more than ever.

And nobody was there for him. No one was ever there when he needed them. As time wore on, Kakashi's heart was still twisted and it was too late.

Nothing could ever heal him. He would remain cold and numb and broken. He would be used to it. Used to the ache in his heart and the emptiness in his eye. He would grimace and comfort others where he had been alone.

It wasn't fair… why should he have to deal with this grief? Why was he cursed with misery? How come others lived a happy life? What did they have that he didn't?

They had a father, they had guidance where Kakashi was lost, they had sight where Kakashi was blind, and they had everything Kakashi didn't have. He was missing a heart, he needed someone to protect him and support him and tell him it will all be okay.

He didn't have it; he thought he might have grasped it for a few precious seconds. But now he realizes it was never really there.

He never had anyone stand by him. He would grow up alone. He was someone who could only find peace through death.

Just like his father.

* * *

><p><em>I lose my way, <em>and_ it's not too long before you point it out_

As a young child, he never had a chance to have a childhood.

To say that his father was strict was to say the least. He would try his hardest; he would do anything just for his father's approval. He struggled through life to gain his father's acceptance. He wanted nothing more than to have his father be proud of him.

He yearned for his love, he dreamed of the day he would receive a nod of satisfaction and pleasure instead of the disappointed sigh and rejection he received. He trained his hardest. He absorbed information and was always eager to please.

He accelerated in every field of learning. He taught himself to throw a kunai with complete accuracy while other children played tag and laughed.

He taught himself of which type of plants were poisonous and which were safe while young girls picked flowers.

He taught himself about the human body and its weak points and the quickest way to kill an enemy while young boys were playfully wrestling.

They mocked him for always carrying around a book. He was a social outcast. He didn't care. If his father would take a second to even look at his son's improvement, Kakashi would have been happy.

It didn't take much. If his father had encouraged him instead of criticizing, he would have been happy just to have his father's acceptance.

If his father was home for more than a day in between missions maybe he would spend time with his son and strengthen the withering father son bond they shared, Kakashi would have been beaming.

If his father had taken the time to show interest in Kakashi instead of dismissing him right away, Kakashi would have tried with renewed effort.

But Sakumo never did, the only thing he did was scowl in disapproval and growl. The insults were endless.

"You should have tried harder"

"You should have done better"

"Is that all you got?"

"I taught you better than that"

"You weren't ready…"

"You're going to be a failure if you don't try harder"

"You're a disgrace to the Hatake name, why didn't you work harder?"

"Anyone could do better than that"

"You call that an accomplishment?"

"Don't waste my time"

He never complemented him once, he never shown anything close to a smile. Kakashi would remind himself to work harder, to be better.

He would drag his feet and stagger off with a drained morale, and the man who called himself father would continue to put him down. He would stand up each time.

But Kakashi would continue to love him. One thing was certain to everyone but Kakashi.

The white fang of Konoha was never cut out to be a father.

* * *

><p><em>I cannot cry, because I know that's weakness in your eyes<em>

To Kakashi, his father was his idol; no amount of ridicule would change that.

His father was his everything. Kakashi cherished every word he said. He worked his hardest to live up to his father's expectations, and it was tiring. Especially when he was expected not to cry. He wasn't allowed to scream.

Usual things like a bruise or a scraped knee he had to shrug off. Things that would send normal kids bawling would cause Kakashi to take action.

A spider on your arm? Crush it. An adult yelling right at your face? Look them directly in the eye. Chaos? Calm.

He was allowed to speak with force and cold, numb accuracy. He was allowed to send words where he knew they would hurt.

He was allowed to attack when someone was down, hit them in their most vulnerable, sensitive spots. Kick them when they were down.

But he was expected not to cry when it was all thrown back at him.

He was allowed to stick with what he believed in and defend himself.

He was allowed to be taunted and he had to keep a straight face.

He wasn't allowed to scream. He wasn't allowed to throw a tantrum and kick and whine and pout. He wasn't allowed to complain and argue.

He lived in his father's shadow. He was always being compared to him. He would never even come close to surpassing him. His father made sure he knew it too.

He told him he was a coward, a fool. Weak. Stupid. Puny. Scrawny. Pathetic. He continued to knock him down.

Each time Kakashi would wordlessly dust himself off and tell himself to try harder next time. There was no such thing as too rough.

If others would scold Sakumo for being too hard on his son, he would shrug it off and say it's for his own good.

That he'd actually be thanking him when it was all over and Kakashi might even become great someday.

No one would have thought he would become powerful and more respected than his father.

No one would have ever predicted he would become more well-known than the famous white fang. No one would have guessed the reason he was so strong today.

It was because after years of being put down, he stood up.

* * *

><p><em>I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh, every day of my life<em>

Sakumo expected his son to act 'normal' in public. Whatever normal is. He was supposed to keep quiet.

Be the dim witted four year old that everyone expected him to be. Never be allowed to do anything. Hold his father's hand. Never speak unless spoken to.

People thought he was stupid. Incompetent. They only saw him for who he was as his father was dying.

After his father wasn't around to hide him anymore. There was nothing to be ashamed of.

That's what the few sensible people told him. He didn't believe them.

His intelligence was a curse. He was sent off to war just after he was a chuunin. Seven years old.

They convinced the Hokage by telling him he was a genius. The village was low on shinobi; they needed everyone they could get. They didn't care that he was only seven.

They needed him. If his father was there, if any of Kakashi cleverness was leaked, he would have denied it.

Kakashi thought it would be because he was afraid of the village knowing. Because he was ashamed that his son was like that.

Kakashi can see it now. His father wasn't trying to protect him, if he was, he would have completed the mission and the war would have been stopped.

He wouldn't have killed himself. Kakashi wouldn't have been sent out to battles.

Sakumo could have protected his son from the horrors of war if he had tried. Apparently he valued his team mates more than his son.

His decision hurt everyone. Especially Kakashi. Kakashi is smarter now, better, faster, stronger.

He knows, he knows his father never cared. He will pretend not to care. But that's what hurts the most, his own father, the father that abused him and put him down.

The father that really did love his son, the son that never knew.

* * *

><p><em>My heart can't possibly break, when it wasn't even whole to start with<em>

He could lose again and again. He could be faced with failure and pain and it would be nothing.

He would find himself comparing it to the suffering his father pushed him through.

All the confusion his father placed on him. All the responsibly he was forced to own. His father robbed him of life's simplest pleasures.

He wasn't afraid of failure; he had grown to accept it as part of him. He wasn't afraid to love, he was afraid to try. He wasn't afraid of the future; he was caught up in the past.

When he had met his genin team, he had told them exactly what he had thought of them. He hated them. He wasn't lying. It was painful to look at them. To look and see all his fears in the souls of three innocent children.

He wasn't ready to face it. It seemed like some sort of cruel punishment. But he had passed them, and often he wondered why he didn't fail them like all the others.

But he had nothing to worry about, his lack of kindness meant he had nothing to lose.

He was not afraid of getting hurt; he had never known anything else.

* * *

><p><em>I watched you die, I heard you cry every night in your sleep<em>

He, like all the others, turned on his father. His father wallowed in self-pity, thought it couldn't get any worse for him. He cried when he thought no one was watching. He regretted the choice he made, he regretted saving his team mates.

They did even appreciate it, they just betrayed him and disgraced him and made him take the blame.

Sakumo Hatake's world was crumbling down around him. His son observes, in the shadows. In sick fascination as the man he thought was invincible, break at something so simple.

He followed his father with his eyes as he paces the floor, Kakashi's eyes are bleak with cold interest and he is emotionless. He does not give anything away to how he is reacting, what he is thinking, or if he even understands the situation.

His genius mind takes it all in and he is not surprised to walk in on his father's dead body the following morning. He does not react as oily, red liquids seep into his feet.

His eyes are dead as he stares at his father's unmoving body. His eyes do not widen, his face does not pale, and he does not take a step back.

His breathing is even and he does not tremble. His eyes narrowed into slits as he takes it in.

So this was what a shinobi was... a tool. This is what it means to be a shinobi. To fight all your life and die in such a dishonorable way. To live for the village and waste away. This was it?

Kakashi's face is blank and he repeats his questions in his head. The truth was, his father was gone, and Kakashi didn't care. His life had just become a lot easier.

His father never cared for him when he was alive, when he had the chance. Kakashi wouldn't care for him now that he's gone. Sakumo had no loved for him, Kakashi knew it. Kakashi had no love for his father.

He was just a mentor that could be easily replaced. Just an obstacle along the way. And if he was gone, it could only mean that he did all he could and he had played his role in Kakashi's life.

He had no respect for his father, he viewed him trash. Because that was what he was. He became trash the moment he put his reputation above his son.

He would not honor the memory, his father was weak. Not Kakashi. No matter how many times he had told Kakashi that.

He was wrong, it was him.

* * *

><p><em>I was so young, you should have known better than to lean on me<em>

As his father fell from grace, he began to neglect Kakashi.

His son would enter the house through the window, used to the front door being locked and giving up on his father coming to come open it for him.

He would have already had eaten somewhere else, knowing that his father wouldn't feed him. His father hasn't eaten for days. It wasn't Kakashi's job to look after him, even thought that was what his father was for.

He would spend the rest of the day in his room, already given up on trying to persuade his father to talk or even look at him.

And soon he could hear Sakumo feigning sleep, when he was really turning in the bed as another sleepless night began. His father slept most of the day away, but whenever Kakashi saw him he had a dull, haunted look to him like he hadn't slept in days.

It scared him to see his father like that. More than a few times he was forced to sleep in a tree outside, as his father drank himself into a drunken rage.

He knew better than to get in his father's way when he was like that, it was better to sit it out and wait for the aftermath.

He had a few occasions where he had been forced to sit through a night inside, due to rain or snow. It had been frightening to hear his father babble and rant to himself; unaware that just up the stairs, his son was hanging on to every word he said.

Somewhere in the trauma, Sakumo had managed to climb the stairs and faced Kakashi. His son, frozen in terror, was considering sleeping out in the rain, as his father made his way to him.

In an alcoholic state, wasn't thinking clearly and therefor, had little control over himself and managed to land a few well-aimed punches on his young son as he jabbered nonsense in a slurred voice, it was clear he was not in his right mind.

His motives, Kakashi never knew.

He often wondered what was going through the man's head at the time. Where he thought he was and who he thought he was talking to.

He spent the night in a tree; his face tear stained and bloody, the bruises still hadn't gone away. They will never heal.

In the end, Kakashi had accepted it. He wears the mask to cover his face.

He is ashamed of the bruises and no one will ever know. In the morning, as Kakashi woke, he stiffly pulled himself together; sleeping in a tree was less than comfortable.

His only relief was that his father wasn't drunk in public, because that would only make it worse than it already was, if possible.

He would then face the choice to go to training, or face his father. He would usually have to go inside, for a change of clothes and food. Since he relied on the sun to wake him up, he was often late to training, no one could blame him.

But they didn't know of the horrors he faced. Normally around the time Kakashi woke, his father was already passed out on the floor.

He would allow himself back into his room and when he was ready; he would climb down the stairs, step over the form of his father, dead to the world and try to fix himself some form of breakfast.

Kakashi, being too small to even hope of moving him, would sigh and shift through the rubble. It was never that bad, but he always kept all important and delicate items hidden away in his room, safe.

He would return home each day, and run the cycle again.

His father was nothing without him.

* * *

><p><em>You never thought of anyone else, you just saw your pain<em>

Did he think that his actions wouldn't hurt anyone?

Did he know that his son lived in constant fear of him?

Did he ever try to take responsibility? No, he left it up to his son.

Did he know that his son was afraid to be in the same house with him?

Did he know that he had caused his son to prefer sleeping in a tree than his own bed?

In his house, where it was supposed to be safe and protected, his son would rather sleep out in the cold than face him?

Was he proud of himself for what he had become? No, Sakumo wasn't. He hated himself more every day. He hated himself from the moment he turned back on that mission, from the moment he saw the fear in his son's eyes, the moment he took his first sip of alcohol.

He hated the bloodshot look in his eyes. He couldn't bear to look at himself. The world was spiraling out of his control. He couldn't take it anymore. He had seen the damage he had done. He was ashamed.

He was mortified at himself. How dare he even begin to think he could abuse his child in such a way! He would never forgive himself, and he didn't blame Kakashi if he did the same.

He didn't remember any of it; he only knew that his son started wearing a mask to conceal the lower half of his face. Sakumo didn't know why, but somehow he knew it had something to do with him.

He felt rotten. He felt terrible for harming his son, he never meant to. It wasn't his sons fault, any of it. He let his son down, his son needed him, and he would never look up to him again.

He would look at his father and see a stranger glaring back. This was not how he wanted his son to remember him. He wanted his to know that he was sorry that he ever hurt him, sorry that everything turned so wrong, sorry he ever caused his son so much misery. More sorry than he could ever say.

He prays for the day they will meet again, and his son will know how truly horrified he had been, and his son could know that even if he didn't accept apology, Sakumo would still be there for him.

* * *

><p><em>And now I cry, in the middle of the night over the same damn thing<em>

The wind is cold; it is howling in the skies and battering the world. The rain is numbing, it pelts his broken face and drenches him.

He lay in the tree, hurting. Feeling his jaw gradually numb and feeling blood drip down his cheek. His eyes squeezed shut trying to staunch the flow of tears.

He is not crying in pain, he is crying in pure sadness. The heart wrenching, empty sob that only a child could make.

His mind is dead. He can only feel the cold, the wet, the pain. He cries harder. He shakes and trembles and weeps.

Words and thoughts and emotions flashing through his mind.

Traitor.

Betrayed.

Hate.

Weak.

Failure.

Regret.

Companion.

Friend.

Enemy.

Outcast.

Guilt.

Wrong.

Responsibility.

Sorrow.

Shame.

Rules.

Consequences.

Worth.

Pain.

Love.

Blame.

Teamwork.

War.

Alone.

Lost.

He stands in the rain. Pouring out tears of confusion and frustration. So innocent, misunderstanding and unbearable loneliness. Why? He had tried, he knew he couldn't change anything, but he tried to keep his distance.

His father turned on him. He went after him. He caused the lost helpless tears Kakashi cried. He hated his life; this had just turned so wrong all of a sudden. Sakumo hurt him, he couldn't trust his father.

He couldn't trust anyone; they would all abandon him in the end.

And as he lay, in the heart of the storm, Kakashi snapped. His eyes flared with rage, his fist clenched and his teeth grinded together.

That was it. If his father was going to treat him like that then he would learn from it.

He would never make a mistake like that. He would never cause someone so much misery, someone he cared about. He would never let someone suffer like this; he would never cause a loved one so much pain.

It all went back to the rules. The rules where structure and protection. The rules where your guidelines, the imaginary line in the sand.

His father had crossed them, he questioned them, and he hurt someone close to him. He hurt someone precious people.

The rules became top priority. He would live by them, and if they didn't matter, then neither did anything else.

* * *

><p><em>Because of you, I tried my hardest just to forget everything<em>

He made a mistake that night.

He knew it the moment Obito died. The moment his eye closed under that rock Kakashi knew he had made a terrible mistake. And he had to live with the consequences now. He was forced to live in the mess he made.

He tried to forget. He will never forget. He'll try not to remember. He will always remember.

He didn't want to live with the confusion of his father's choice; he didn't want to wonder about it day after day. To look outside and only see remorse.

To look past the beauty and only see anguish. To be plagued by it everywhere he turned, lost in sorrow. He didn't want to remember, he didn't want to live with the knowledge of being responsible for his best friend's death.

He wanted to be free, he would never be free. He would forever be restricted by his father's shortcomings.

Bound with guilt and despair. Kakashi never forgets, others have moved on and he will be haunted by memories and wondering once more if things could have turned out differently, if he could have made a difference.

He knew he had looked down on his father and shunned him along with the rest of the village.

Sakumo called out to him, he turned his back. He didn't care. He had tried; he had paid the consequences, and if that's what he got for all his efforts, then his father deserved to die.

Things would never have gone back to normal. He knew that now. Even if his father hadn't made a decision and turned his world upside down, he would have never lived with himself.

He had chosen to save his comrades, in by which sacrificing his reputation, his name, everything he had spent his whole life working for. It all came crumbling down around him. Sakumo, everything he was, everything that made him who he was, was looked down upon.

His teachings and all the respect he had tried so hard to gain died off.

Sakumo's legacy faded and he was forgotten along with his name.

* * *

><p><em>Because of you, I don't know how to let anyone else in<em>

Minato had been there for him, Minato had tried to comfort him and he shut him out.

He didn't know how to do it anymore. A piece of him had died. He would never love again.

He had lost it all. Minato had tried to help him find his way and show his happiness. He isolated himself.

He needed to be alone. That was who he was. He didn't need anyone. He didn't need any help.

He could do things on his own. He would find a way. His father had told him he would always be there for him.

It was all just a lie. He was never there when Kakashi needed him.

They would always leave him in the end. He was broken because of his father's mistakes.

His father's face will haunt Kakashi for the rest of his life.

* * *

><p>"Father."<p>

His voice is tight with rage. His hands where clenched with anger. The flash in his eyes, the burning anger he had honed and kept over the years, growing daily on the inside. The man, the one who ruined his life, in front of him again.

He trembles with barely kept rage.

Sakumo turned to him, a gentle smile on his face. His eyes held a mixture of joy and guilt and regret and unease. His smile falters and a flicker of confusion dances across his eyes. His voice is cautious and he seems hesitant to speak.

"Kakashi…"

They stare at each other for a moment.

Sakumo clears his throat to clear the tension in the air. He looks down. He can't bear to see the hate in his son's eyes. Knowing that it was his fault.

Overwhelming sadness chokes him. He doesn't know what to say. He shouldn't say anything, he had no right.

The only thing he could do was keep his head down and have all his mistakes shoved back into his face. He was an outsider to his son.

"Why."

It wasn't a question. It was a command. Sakumo opens his mouth to speak, but closes it. He couldn't answer that. There was nothing he could say. Anything he said would be a weak argument. He bowed his head.

"Answer me!"

He flinches at the pure rage in his son's voice. He never thought he would talk to his father that way.

Kakashi never yelled, he was always in control. His perfectly hardened will snaps, all the rage building up inside his was let loose.

He needed to know. His voice raises and his frustration spills out.

"How could you do that to me?"

"How could you even begin to think I could handle it?"

"Why did you abandon me?"

"We could have figured something out!"

"It's all your fault."

"I trusted you…"

The last one hurt. It shook Sakumo to the core. His heart shatters into a million pieces.

He wanted to cry. This was a disaster. His eyes are full of guilt and remorse. His son was right. He had tortured himself with the same questions.

What was he thinking? His son needed him. He wasn't there when his son needed him. He finds his voice, he doesn't want to, but he knows he has to say something.

"I-I know… I didn't have a choice-"

"Shut up!"

Sakumo's eyes widen slightly. His son was trembling and his eyes are filled with firey anger. He never wanted to see his son like this. But every action has a consequence.

"You always have a choice."

Sakumo was startled by the venom in his son's voice. This was all wrong. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. Kakashi needed to understand. He needed to say something to make it right.

"I know... I'm sorry Kakashi; I didn't mean to put you through all this…"

"You're sorry! You better be sorry! My life went downhill after you left." Kakashi explodes, his voice quaking with rage.

He didn't need this. His father didn't deserve an explanation. Feelings he had buried are revived and wrath colored his eyes coated his voice. Every word was like a punch in the gut. He turns and storms away.

He didn't care about his father, he never did. The darkness grabs him and greedily pulls him in as his father disappears from view.

He just manages to catch Sakumo's last words as the darkness pulls him under.

"Please Kakashi…forgive me…"

The whisper reaches Kakashi. His head turn to the side and he leaves with one word.

"No."

He snarls as he turns away. The darkness flows around him and Kakashi is hidden from view.

Sakumo stares after him in pain. It was all a mistake. He had made a mistake.

His son might be living, but dead inside.

Because of Sakumo.


End file.
